A Free-flowing Thought Review of Justin Bieber’s “Purpose”

I listened to Justin Bieber’s new album, “Purpose” for the first time and wrote exactly what I was thinking as I listened in real-time. Here you go — my brain on Justin. And Adderall.


Mark My Words

This song has a very confusing message to it. Justin sings about marking his words, because they’re all he has. (Apparently he temporarily forgot about his seagull tramp stamp.) But then he says that he will show who I’m presuming is a girl “more than I ever could say”. So are we relying on your words or your actions here, Justin? Because both have kind of painted you as a douche in the past. And are these cliché lyrics really the best words — and therefore best thing — that you have?! DID YOU EVEN WRITE THEM YOURSELF?

Biebs says that this girl is “the only reason why I don’t want to live a lie,” but I’m not totally convinced that he’s committed to authenticity.

Is he saying “na na na” or “no no no” in the background? I’m saying “no no no”. He could be saying “na na na” at me.



Beautiful piano music. Am I about to feel things? Oh, he’s been crying. He’s kept promises. What promises? I want to know. Justin doesn’t think this girl is hard to read. I can’t imagine females really hold back around Justin Bieber. A journey has come to an end! Farewell to friends. Oh, now he’s asking the girl for forgiveness for the sins. Or maybe he’s asking God. Maybe this song has been about God all along. Ok, yeah, I’m definitely getting a religious vibe here. God isn’t hard for Justin Bieber to reach! Wow, #blessed. What’s your secret, Biebs? God is Justin Bieber’s everything. OH MY GOSH THERE’S TALKING OVER THE PIANO MUSIC. IT’S AN INSPIRATIONAL SPEECH FROM JUSTIN BIEBER. What’s he going on about? He wasn’t in the best position to do the right thing? WHAT POSITION WAS HE IN?!

Wow. That was a spiritual journey.

Remember when Justin Bieber said he was going to be chaste before marriage? lol.

What Do You Mean?

I imagine when she nods her head yes but wants to say no that she means “yes, but only because you’re Justin Bieber.” Is this a song about consent? Justin doesn’t seem to be getting it. She’s complaining but maybe she’s happy. Oh no . . .

Oh, she apparently does want to “make love all night”. So that’s good. I’m still sensing some ongoing consent issues, though. She wants to go to the left but turn right . . . so she supports Hillary Clinton but she’s voting for Rand Paul. Why is this girl running out of time? Is it because she’s a fan at a meet and greet and he’s about to start shouting and throwing things again if he’s not kept on a tight schedule?



More bragging about his honesty. MORE TALKING ABOUT RUNNING OUT OF TIME. Does Justin have a terminal illness I don’t know about? Time seems to be a constant issue for him. He’s missing more than just her body, and that’s why he wants to say sorry. So at first he was just missing her body, which didn’t seem like the right time to apologize, but now he’s missing other things so he’s trying to figure out what’s appropriate at this point. There’s no innocent one in this game for two? What’s the game? Why aren’t you innocent? Are you swingers?

For someone so concerned with not missing his opportunity to apologize, he sure wasted the last four minutes.


Love Yourself

Someone gets in clubs using his name. This is a song about a realistic Justin Bieber lookalike who he appears to have complicated feelings for. His mom doesn’t like him/her even though she likes everyone! Whoah. But Justin does think he/she should go and love him/herself. MAYBE YOU SHOULD START WITH NOT TELLING HIM/HER THAT YOUR MOM HATES HIM/HER! Oh, there he goes again — repeating that his mom is NOT into him/her. Poor heshe. Now I’m realizing that he was being passive aggressive when he said he/she should go and love him/herself, because apparently he/she really likes the way he/she looks. He/she made Justin feel small — his lookalike is taller than him. That can’t feel good for anyone. What seemed to be a song promoting positive self-esteem turned out to just be a mediocre jab. Ouch.



I just noticed that Justin is posing an awful lot like Steve Jobs on the album cover. Perhaps this song “Company” is his attempt to lay some groundwork for his future career goals as a businessman. “It ain’t about the complications, I’m all about the elevations, we can keep it going up, don’t miss out on us” — ok, yep. This is definitely giving off an entrepreneurial vibe. So he’s looking for a business partner. Yes. That’s what’s happening. He’s desperately looking for his Wozniak, and this song was the natural way to make that search fruitful.


The Feeling

I don’t understand any of the words he’s sung so far. There’s a girl singing now. They are wondering if they’re in love with each other or in love with “the feeling”. Perhaps he’s fallen for his new business partner, whom he runs a back massager company with. “Trying to find the truth, sometimes the heart is deceiving.” Hmm. Someone’s definitely been mixing business with pleasure. It’s the bridge and he’s apologizing. Is this album all about the same girl slash business partner of his, or is it a string of events in which he repeatedly commits crimes? I shouldn’t have listened to this album on shuffle.


No Sense

“It don’t make no sense unless I’m doing it with you”. His business partner is FAR better at writing expense reports than him. Justin is generally just not great at Excel. Maybe all the mistakes he keeps saying he needs to apologize for are just accounts-related. “I’ve driven almost every car.” Ok, braggy. Are you even old enough to drive? Oh – obligatory black rapper. Things just got good. Why can’t this guy just help Justin with the accounts?

“It don’t make sense.”

I feel you, Justin.


I’ll Show You

This title already seems a bit much.

“My life is a movie and everyone’s watching.” Justin Bieber just watched The Truman Show and now he’s paranoid as heck. “Life’s not easy . . . don’t forget that I’m human, don’t forget that I’m real.” Yeah. Some definite “I just figured out I’m a character in a fictional TV show” themes coming across.

Still not certain what he’s going to show us/someone.



It’s not easy running a business. “Did we really come this far just to watch it go down the drain?” Stocks are down at Bieber HQ. He doesn’t know who he can trust. Oh, he’s getting sidetracked by love again. Now he’s talking about changes and getting closer and separating . . . a potential merger on the horizon, perhaps? That’s gotta require a leap of faith, for sure. These guys need to develop trust ASAP if this is going to work. Unfortunately, most of his business decisions seemed to be based on if he’s in love with people. So I don’t know what’s going to happen.


Been You

There are too many metaphors for me to make sense of this song and we’re only 30 seconds in. Ugh, he’s so ambiguous. “If I would have known,” NONE OF US UNDERSTAND YOUR CRYPTIC CLUES, JUSTIN.
I completely zoned out for the rest of the song. My general impression is that he made some bad business decisions and wishes he could just start over.



Why is he singing “children” so weird? Now he’s playing “Whose heart is the biggest?”, a popular game with cardiologists.

Again, I’m tuning out for most of this. I struggle to believe he’s particularly concerned with the welfare of children, but I could be wrong. Maybe he’s talking about his interns.


Life Is Worth Living

That’s good news.

Ugh, I’m so bored. Stop with the snow and winter sport metaphors. We get it — you’re from Canada.
This song just seems like something that should have stayed Justin’s personal morning affirmation mantra.


We Are

Happy birthday? “The truth will make us relevant.” I’m sick of Justin Bieber singing about this big truth he claims to understand without enlightening the rest of us.


Where Are U Now

I don’t care. Go back to school. Or 2006 when “U” was a cool way to write “You”.


Get Used To It

How long is this album?


Are there more songs? I don’t know. I gave up.


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